So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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