There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
