am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
