I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
