just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
