Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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