Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize