On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
