I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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