So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
