Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
