Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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