i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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