And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
