I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
