I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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