Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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