The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
