My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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