I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
