What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
