Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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