i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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