not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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