weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
