Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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