why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
