She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
