im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
