apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
