I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize