I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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