You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
