Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
