the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
