We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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