just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
