Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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