I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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