what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
