Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
