1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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