i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
