My hand turned me down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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