I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
