Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Randomize
