Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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