That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
