Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
