Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
