This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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