Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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