Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
