I feel like I'm in dance class right now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
