Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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