I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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