I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize