She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
