So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
