It's Friday. Sex?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Houston, we have a blender
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
