i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
