I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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