The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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