I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
