Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My pussy is not your playground.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
