Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize