I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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