Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this boner is exhausting
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
