I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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