Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
