Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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