you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
