a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
