apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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