# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
