'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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