I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
