My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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