When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
