get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
