nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
