Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
