It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
