Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize