"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
