Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
