Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
