No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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