we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
