3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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