the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
